Cattails, Rabbit Trails, and Thistlefish: I Sewed. He Spoke.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

I Sewed. He Spoke.

Recently I hemmed some pants, as a favor for a friend. And they turned out ok! Encouraged by this success, I cut and hemmed a shirt that was wayy long.
This was quite the bold thing for me to do, considering I wanted to wear it today. But guess what!

It worked!

I've never been a seamstress, and I don't think I ever will be. My family has learned by now not to ask me to fix anything, with the chance that 1) it'll get messed up, 2) it will simply rip again, or, the most probable outcome, 3) it simply won't happen. But I felt quite successful after my project turned out. Quite self-sufficient.

And I realized how many things I had backed away from because I had failed at them before.

And how many victories I must have turned down in the process.

I typically don't try sewing at all, because it's just a small cause of discouragement. The project either remains unfinished for ages and I feel like a procrastinator. Or the project doesn't work out the way I want and I feel like a failure. From past experience, I just figured I should stay away from it.

But God used this small example to bring to mind something bigger. There are a lot of things I don't do because I have the fear of falling on my face again. I back away from situations that I could grow in because I'm afraid. And this fear doesn't come from a life threat. This fear comes from experience. Those are the fears that are the most daunting.

"Don't sing. Don't you remember that solo you screwed up five years ago?"

"Don't defend her. Remember how they turned on you instead?"

"Don't defend your beliefs. Remember that time you messed up in front of everyone? They'll just shoot you down again."

"Don't talk to the new kid. Remember how awkward you felt? You're not a conversationalist."

"Don't even try. You're a failure. Just, don't."

The experiences like these like to scream at me, and tease me, and control me. Experiences like these are what are keeping me inside a comfort zone so small I can barely breathe. Renouncing these lies, and sowing in the opposite direction with truth (no pun intended) is the start to living and growing into the woman I am called to be.

Have I suddenly discovered my life purpose of being a seamstress? No, I still don't really like sewing. But I feel like I have conquered something. It's a very small victory, but it's a victory nevertheless. Because what am I meant to be? In all situations?

"In all these things, we are more than conquers through Him who loves us." (Ro. 8:37)

A conquer. In all things. In all areas. In all insecurities.

And to be honest, I think small victories are what big victories are made of. They equip us, little by little, to tackle bigger and bigger challenges.

May your confidence in your true identity be strengthened by "small" victories. Step into the conquering warrior God created you to be. It's in you.

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