Cattails, Rabbit Trails, and Thistlefish: Jump. And Keep on Jumping

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Jump. And Keep on Jumping

As of today I am a Business major.
And I'm terrified.

Why? Because as soon as I made the decision I was pounded with:
"Am I smart enough for this?"
"Do I manage my time well enough for 15 credit hours?"
"Will I have enough saved up to quit my job?"
"Will I have the bravery to face all of those smart people in class, when I haven't taken a math course in over 3 years?"
"Am I doing the right thing?"

Doubts. Yayyyyyy.

In the past twenty minutes, I have told myself, "you are a strong, confident young woman; a fighter and a trooper. YOU GOT THIS," about 14 times. And I'll probably say it 14 million more times. Because this isn't just a change to my major. Everything I do these days feels like a re-definition of myself, every moment of my mindset feels like it determines who I am. Which is true. But that's a lot of pressure.

But mostly it's because this change is not the only scary thing in my life. There are a lot of scary things in my life. But this is a scary thing that I've decided to tackle. I'll tackle the rest of them tomorrow. And the day after that. And the next week, and next month, and the rest of my life. But this one I tackled today.

Life is scary. And sometimes, when you don't know what on God's green earth to do with yourself and you feel like everything in life is unstable, you just have to jump. And keep jumping. Because everything is unstable.

Don't count on the stability of life. Life is surprise. Life is shaky. Life is fragile and delicate and lovely and sturdy and punch-you-in-the-mouth-like-strong-coffee. But what are you gonna do... quit???
Nope. Because life is beautiful. And I'm excited about it.

I am a strong, confident, fighter of a young woman. And now I'm a business major, too.

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