Cattails, Rabbit Trails, and Thistlefish: My Doubts vs. His Display of Faithfulness

Monday, November 17, 2014

My Doubts vs. His Display of Faithfulness

We all have those times where we realize, or become significantly more aware of, how far a year has taken us. Typically this time comes around New Years for me, or around my birthday. But this weekend marked a clear moment of reflection on how far the Lord has brought me.
This weekend I was one of 25 leaders on a trip with 350 teenagers from Chesapeake (almost 600 teenagers total) with Young Life. We were in Nags Head, I was leading beside some of my best friends in the world, and spending time with some of the coolest sophomore and junior girls I have ever met. I saw kids laugh and dance and cry and hear the Gospel in a very real way. Literally, my only job while I was there was to love on girls, spend time with them, and watch the Lord change lives.

Where was I last year? Praying that God would give me ministry. Dying to be around high school girls, and fulfill that calling that had been heavy on my heart for years. Frustrated at the lack of open doors for ministry. Why wouldn't the Lord honor my desires to serve, and give me opportunities in ministry?

After this sleepless and busy weekend, we drove straight back to the Young Life house in Chesapeake. I spent the afternoon talking with the other leaders about ways they saw the Lord move in their kids' lives while we played video games and ate great food. I realized, then, how much this group of people had become like a second family to me; a place where I felt safe enough to show weakness and honesty, but where I could always expect a laugh. 

Where was I last year? Desperate for community; tired of struggling through young adulthood on my own. Feeling left out and forgotten. Nobody to pray with or laugh with. No motivation from others in my walk with the Lord. Feeling uncared for. Would He ever give me real friends? or a solid community? Had He forgotten me? 

All of this is pretty cool to think about... but even more so in light of my current frustrations. I'm impatient with endless schoolwork, anticipating a time when I will no longer be single, and itching to be back in Guatemala. But these times of reflections bring encouragement.

What do these reflections say about me? Not much. 
What do these reflections say about the faithfulness of God? Everything.

When I look back on where I've come from, and consider where He's brought me compared to where I am, or where I thought I'd be going, it can be really humbling. It causes my current doubts and frustrations to shrink. Yes; sometimes frustrations last longer than a year, and yes; there are prayers and desires that take much longer to be fulfilled. 

I never would have imagined that the Lord would bring me to a place that was both so sweet and so challenging. So why should I doubt that He won't continue leading me? Why should I doubt that He still has amazing plans for me beyond my imagination? I'm working to choose His faithfulness over my doubts.

Keep your head up; because no matter where YOU are, the same goes for you, too.
He is faithful. And He's more interested in, and excited about your future than you are. I guarantee it.

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